Least Competent Criminal

[g0tr00t]

It was one of the classics, but it happened anew, in Bloomington, Ill., in October. Donald R. Hilger was arrested and charged with robbing 11 local businesses over the previous two weeks. He was picked up shortly after a robbery of a Jewel/Osco store, and police brought two of that robbery's witnesses by the arrest scene to see if they could identify him. According to police, however, as soon as the employees spotted Hilger, Hilger pointed at one of them and blurted out, "That's the one I robbed." [Pantagraph (Bloomington), 10-15-04]

[RML]

For a moment I thought this was going to be another Bush joke.

[oftheherd]

There are some really clever criminals out there. There are also ones like the above.

I used to work as an investigator. Investigating an agravated assault by knife, the victim told me the perpetrators had given the knife to another person. Even though technically an accessory after the fact, I wanted the knife and told that person if he would just produce the knife, to me he was a witness. It took a little convencing but he advised where the knife was. I had the MP's (we were in the US Army) check, but they reported they couldn't find it.

The witness was reluctant to show me, so I suspected he might have it in his personal possessions and asked permission to search his wall and foot lockers. He didn't say no, but didn't give permission either and there was more back and forth. When he asked and I told him I would just seek permission from his commander (equivalent to a search warrant) he reluctantly agreed and opened his wall locker and took some things out that were stacked in it.

The last time he went to go into it, he stopped, looked back at me and asked for about the 10th time, "all you want is the knife, right?" I assured him that was so. He then reached back into the wall locker and pulled out an elaborate homemade marihuana water smoking pipe. He then told me I could search his locker. Of course, I agreed he was right, and found more drug paraphenalia.

The upstart of it all was that the knife was where he said it was. The MP's had just missed it as it was well hidden. He could have shown us, but for some sense that to do so was more of a ratting on his friends than telling us where we could find it.

Go figure.

Edit: Back on topic, of course all evidence was photographed for the subsequent report.

[rbiemer]

Gotta love dumb crook stories!
My own favorite isn't actually about a criminal :
Two guys(roommates) were hanging out having beers when one of them was bitten ny his pet rattlesnake. the other guy siad he saw on tv that if you run electricity through the bite the venom is neutralized. the two of 'em go out to the parking lot and proceed to hook up the bitten guy to the car battrey with jumper cables. When the ambulance that a neighbor had called shows up, the bitten guy is laying on the ground twitching and his buddy is sitting in the car,having a beer and reving the engine. The dumbest part of all I thought was that these two knuckleheads were still room mates!
Rob